Being Still

I've been getting calls, chats over msn, emails, sms-es and even face to face meet up on "so.. what have you been up to this week?". I thought i'll just direct em here.

I've accumulated so much junk these past years. In every aspect - my room, my wardrobe, my bookshelf, my physical body ( including bad habits )- spritual, emotion and mind.I thought it'll be a good time to reorganise myself. Just taking time off at home.

Reorganising...
My priorities : I didn't know how much i missed my time with my family ( and my childhood ) until this week. This week, i get to have dinner every evening with them. Just sitting around the dining table, eating wholesome meals and just catching up with my dad and bro. (i've the whole day with mom and my 2 dogs). I know that i should treasure this time and everyday i have with my family. My family reminds me that truely through thick and thin, they will love me. Our family is one where we love through Quality Time and the Acts of Service. Funny how my parents and my younger-but-seem-older-brother is concerned about me not having money to use keeps trying to push money to me. Don't look at me, I've turned them down.
And for the past few days, every morning I wake up to my mom asking me : "How are you feeling? Are you alright? You're not sad are you?". Then through her worried eyes, looks and me deeply trying to search my soul, gives me my breakfast, sits down and prays for me.

My room : I've decided to look into my piling system and try to put some filing system into place. So now i've use my old name cards as tags ( isn't it great that the DDB cards are yellow at the back! it looks great as tags!). So I've got a mini office set in my room. One thing that I'm dragging my feet is looking into my finances and getting it organised! I should get to this soon. Painful!!

Looked into my wardrobe and lingerie drawer to throw out fashion disasters and holey moleys or clothes that have grown furry after the many washes.Now that I've half the wardrobe left.. I need to go shopping! But first i have to decide what kinda style I'm most comfortable with. It's a great feeling that as I've grown older - I'm more careful not to fall fashion victim to things that isn't a jessica koh. No short short skirts for my thunder thighs, no spagetthi straps especially the square shouldery type because it makes me look like 100kg Xena and all material has to be solid and give form.

I've also started a "Kids Fun Bag" where i put empty papers, my markers, stickers, exercise books, extra pencils and erasers and UPSR text books which i've bought. So that i can lug it around and be the clown to entertain the kids during Kids Zone and Thurs Tutoring.

Me : I was determine to do a detox system for a week until i had lunch with YL on day 3, my detox went out with the sarawak laksa i had ( aiye, i was going to blow it with a BKT lunch anyway ). But i went back to it after. One thing that I couldn't keep off is coffee. What I couldn't bring myself to do is to get on the treadmill to do some form of exercise. Well I try to make it up by taking winston out to poo poo and running around like a siow poh with july around the house.

Started to tinkle with the piano and the guitar. Pestering Chris about the bar chords on guitar and really regretting that I wasn't serious about my classes when i was younger. Heck i would have been a good guitarist ya know!

Most importantly, my journey with God for the last few months, i feel this is the verse for me during this season, which made me look deep into my life, looked back and perhaps form little visions in my head :
God is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or even dream of infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires thoughts or hopes according to his power that is at work within us ( Eph 3 :20 )
wow! Beyond all that I am, All that I can every ask or even desire.
Well, it's not to say that during this week of going through very silent moments and being at home has been all bright and good. I have my fears - of the unknown future, I have my fears - of monetary needs, I have my fears that I'm missing out in life ( heck i should be travelling around the world ), i have my fears that i made a wrong choice...

I am learning my greatest lesson for this season, to
"Be still and know that God is God" , not me.

It's a really hard lesson.Especially when I've been living in the "I WANT IT NOW!" life for so long.