Friday, October 12, 2007

Being Still

I've been getting calls, chats over msn, emails, sms-es and even face to face meet up on "so.. what have you been up to this week?". I thought i'll just direct em here.

I've accumulated so much junk these past years. In every aspect - my room, my wardrobe, my bookshelf, my physical body ( including bad habits )- spritual, emotion and mind.I thought it'll be a good time to reorganise myself. Just taking time off at home.

My priorities : I didn't know how much i missed my time with my family ( and my childhood ) until this week. This week, i get to have dinner every evening with them. Just sitting around the dining table, eating wholesome meals and just catching up with my dad and bro. (i've the whole day with mom and my 2 dogs). I know that i should treasure this time and everyday i have with my family. My family reminds me that truely through thick and thin, they will love me. Our family is one where we love through Quality Time and the Acts of Service. Funny how my parents and my younger-but-seem-older-brother is concerned about me not having money to use keeps trying to push money to me. Don't look at me, I've turned them down.
And for the past few days, every morning I wake up to my mom asking me : "How are you feeling? Are you alright? You're not sad are you?". Then through her worried eyes, looks and me deeply trying to search my soul, gives me my breakfast, sits down and prays for me.

My room : I've decided to look into my piling system and try to put some filing system into place. So now i've use my old name cards as tags ( isn't it great that the DDB cards are yellow at the back! it looks great as tags!). So I've got a mini office set in my room. One thing that I'm dragging my feet is looking into my finances and getting it organised! I should get to this soon. Painful!!

Looked into my wardrobe and lingerie drawer to throw out fashion disasters and holey moleys or clothes that have grown furry after the many washes.Now that I've half the wardrobe left.. I need to go shopping! But first i have to decide what kinda style I'm most comfortable with. It's a great feeling that as I've grown older - I'm more careful not to fall fashion victim to things that isn't a jessica koh. No short short skirts for my thunder thighs, no spagetthi straps especially the square shouldery type because it makes me look like 100kg Xena and all material has to be solid and give form.

I've also started a "Kids Fun Bag" where i put empty papers, my markers, stickers, exercise books, extra pencils and erasers and UPSR text books which i've bought. So that i can lug it around and be the clown to entertain the kids during Kids Zone and Thurs Tutoring.

Me : I was determine to do a detox system for a week until i had lunch with YL on day 3, my detox went out with the sarawak laksa i had ( aiye, i was going to blow it with a BKT lunch anyway ). But i went back to it after. One thing that I couldn't keep off is coffee. What I couldn't bring myself to do is to get on the treadmill to do some form of exercise. Well I try to make it up by taking winston out to poo poo and running around like a siow poh with july around the house.

Started to tinkle with the piano and the guitar. Pestering Chris about the bar chords on guitar and really regretting that I wasn't serious about my classes when i was younger. Heck i would have been a good guitarist ya know!

Most importantly, my journey with God for the last few months, i feel this is the verse for me during this season, which made me look deep into my life, looked back and perhaps form little visions in my head :
God is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or even dream of infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires thoughts or hopes according to his power that is at work within us ( Eph 3 :20 )
wow! Beyond all that I am, All that I can every ask or even desire.
Well, it's not to say that during this week of going through very silent moments and being at home has been all bright and good. I have my fears - of the unknown future, I have my fears - of monetary needs, I have my fears that I'm missing out in life ( heck i should be travelling around the world ), i have my fears that i made a wrong choice...

I am learning my greatest lesson for this season, to
"Be still and know that God is God" , not me.

It's a really hard lesson.Especially when I've been living in the "I WANT IT NOW!" life for so long.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Jars Of Clay

Bible studies & cells are boring. Dreaded. Everyone has to be holy - commoly and damn power in prayer. Smiles, like we "understand" what each of us are going through.

At least that is what i was accustomed to when I was growing up. And even through Young Adults fellowship. The only time where i really enjoyed going for any of this activities is during my youth days. That too was because I get to hang out with my friends, go to the mamak after and play! But I must say, that was a bond that made our friendship last , until now. Although we are all in different parts of the world now, our youth days held us together.

I feel compel to write about this, as at this point in time, i am really grateful that i am part of a cell.

My journey of self discovery and journeying through this time of "what's next" would not have made it this far, without their constant support and prayers. Funny how we were strangers coming together, but we bonded quickly. There were no feelings of inhibition, no pretenses and no difficult bible study books (which doesn't mean a thing because there were no application after just a mumbo jumbo of words ), just simple applicable steps.

Finally,i know truly grasps the true worth of the bible of being life's manual. Now I know that there are actually things / people / events that God used to guide us on how to lead our lives.

I've always thought that they were just bible characters ( like fairy tales in a historical sense ), but now I learn that each character is chosen with a purpose and they just come alive. That each one were meant to give me a clearer direction in live by. Yesterday i learnt that God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things! Even downright to the midwives in Exodus ( so insignificant, only 1 verse mentioned their name ). But by fearing God, they did what was was right. They were bold & courageous, they were risk-takers ( in doing right they didn't fear man (and the pharoah ) but God ) by sparring the lives of the israelite babies. Their little actions of compassion & kindness impacted generations - the freedom of the israelites from Egypt.

Most importantly, this time of searching for what's next in my life, i am glad for the heart of my cell leader - Adele who constantly cheers me by the side, on the baby steps that i'm taking in journeying with my heavenly Father!

I now look forward to Wednesday nights. Yeah, I traded Mambo Nights for Cell! But it's all worth it.

Monday, October 08, 2007


Day 2 of just hanging around and realising .. hm, this is what bumming around feels like.
Waking up to nothingness, well i guess i gotto get use to this!
Started on my detox programme for the week - gone vegetarian again! Flipped through the papers with my cuppa of coffee, listen to my mom chit chat with my aunt, pulled ticks out from my dogs, being online for most of the day, sent my phone to fix ( i broke the LCD screen whilst screaming and throwing my bag like a catapult because some people in the room screamed RAT!!), did up an ad to sell of the family holiday home in PD, called KB who has been missing in action for the longest time just to check if he's still alive and kicking, well so much for the day.

Something nice to share... yesterday during church i was thinking ( yes one of those flitting random thoughts again ) that I needed a printer. Since i'm out of a job now, and i would be needing it to print out resumes, application forms for school, work-sheets / games for the kids at the shelter home or for kids zone. But looking at my financial situation, i guess i better hang on to that for a bit.
I got home about 8pm yesterday, and there it was sitting on my dining table ...a printer.
The office kind. My dad told me, a friend asked if he needed printers - b/w and coloured printers as he was giving them away. So my dad decided to take the colour printer home! yay! Provision no.1 ... God is good!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Final season

My tai-taidom farewell gift from the really means a lot to me!

I've been writing a fair bit about my journey in DDBI, especially so in the last few posts. More so, because it is quite difficult to walk out on a life that i've grown so accustomed to for the last 6 plus years. But i know, that my season there has ended, things are getting too comfortable ( although things in there are still chaotic!). The old has to go for a new season to begin.

Through the ups and downs, i will remember the people i've passed and journeyed with which i hope in a way i've impacted them in a good way as much as they have left a little of themselves in my life. Some people who are dear but i've not really talked about in my posts...

my boss and mentor Long, who have taught me not only about work but guided me through life's ups and downs

renay, my one and only AE who is now a super AM... she taught me how to be "cool & composed" and what it means to grit your teeth and press on no matter how difficult life is. Now that i'm "steady-lah" , i say our learning curve in getting the team up and soaring wasn't easy! But we did it.

Uncle YT! I couldn't find a "single" picture with him from the lot. Wow, he's one person who's brain i can never fathom and the speed of coming up with presentations that make sense. I'm going to miss his Whipping!

And the lil one.. Hui Tsin, i didn't get a "single" picture with her too. We had loads of fun pictures outside... The only person who understood the whole journey well , together we graduated from Monash, got into the same job by accident, suffered under the same bosses.

Alex.. whoah i remembered the "hit the roof" arguments we had on projects ( and it was just only trainings ). But this young man has tenacity and brains , not to mention a great sense of humour when he warms up.

Zahir who - wetted panties.. this young man is really quite cutesy in his own ways, and he has grown up and decided to take flight away from DDBI in Nov.

Jessey & Alvin, my two hot babes who strives with me through the ups and downs and are still thriving! My lunch and dinner kakis and drivers and my drinking - babysitters!

Baby Cass who's now all grown up to be Mrs Tan. Well matured beyond her years, she taught me the true meaning of silent strength.

My girlies : joanna who i'll miss the wacky brainstorm sessions on brand foundations, ROI & comm plans.. ( oh, we thought it will never end.. the plans !) I'm going to miss her when she heads back to canada ( but that'll mean a place for me to stay! yahoo.. hahaha)

and ah - deh, who taught me sweet humility. The gentle dry humour and the kindness she has shown makes great acts of service ( thank you for your porridge !).

If anyone wants to learn ANALISM, ian tan will be the best person to train you on it. I would not have picked up all the SOPs if it wasn't for him...the long e-mails, chats and evaluations..

Remember this face for hugs, panadols, "aw poor baby" and chocolates.. mama jules is a great hideaway to go too..

The one who i'll miss lots and lots is Ah Soh! The sweetest supergran in the agency who makes coffee with so much passion and her zeal for life is inspiring! Every cup of coffee is filled with love! She was the one successfully made me bawl like a baby. Her grandmotherly hugs and her "ah soh - nmee seh tak lei". For the rest of the people, I could still get online and throw a sheep on facebook! But for this gentle lil old lady, it's hard ( especially with my broken canto ) to get in touch with. I would have to remember to make an effort to visit her!

not forgetting... the journeys of an AE's first torture - Studio! boy has my cantonese and "chup sang-ness" improved!

And the people who's not in the pictures..
Wan Hoon, who taught me the Obedience and Faithfulness in walking with God. Without her constant reminders I think i would have strayed far far away.

Shane & Terence, the best people to talk kok sing song with. Always ever ready to lend a helping hand even to the extend of driving me all the way hope to subang after glasses of wine.. :P

I'll always remember my journey, here in DDBI.

The DDBI wall of fame...